I see it all now
by P.o.T.t.Y.F.a.N.x
Summary: Free Verse Poem. 'You deny it, because admitting it to yourself would make it true,' Rose likes Scorpius, Scorpius likes Rose - but not as much as she'd like. SM/RW Please R & R.


Random/weird Free Verse poem. Rose/Scorpius as usual.

Especially for: Catrina BoFi and my friend Ammmmy – she'll get why!

XxxXxx

He made fun of you when you were younger.

But that doesn't matter now.

You get that stupid feeling of butterflies when he asks you about your potions test.

You think you're meant to be.

& you're overjoyed when you have a Muggle Studies Assignment together.

You just think he's so cool.

But you put your trust on the wrong people.

You tell everyone – you're so excited about it.

But he finds out.

And it _doesn'_t go like you planned.

He ignores you – even though you didn't talk that much to begin with.

He makes you feel like crap.

But you can't get rid of it.

It's the Yule Ball and you feel pretty gutsy.

Before you know it you've asked him to dance.

**& y o u 'l l j u s t l a u g h l a t e r a s f r i e n d s.**

After that it's worse.

He's horrible to you.

And your friends help you _move on_.

You do.

Before you know it your School life is nearly over.

You're in your last year.

& Suddenly you two have **so** much in common.

And you start to talk to him.

A little bit at first & you don't notice.

But soon you walk to classes together.

Not that it matters.

You talk about how awkward your history together is.

He says you are cool.

And **you don't get** how much of an impact that has.

You have a bit of a friendship crisis.

And you _cry_ in front of him.

For some reason this embarrasses you too much.

He finds it awkward – but says it will be okay.

And you _understand something_ about yourself.

Slowly but surely you notice how you act around him.

Sign yourself up for extra-curricular activities knowing he will as Head Boy.

You seem to ignore the rest of your surroundings in his presence.

And this time it's not meant to be.

You don't get embarrassed.

You have a **connection**.

And you're amazed no-one else notices.

But you convince yourself it's just a crush.

Because as soon as you admit it to yourself.

_It will be true_.

You subconsciously mention him too much.

And someone picks it up.

They ask you & you tell the truth, the words liberating you.

But somehow it makes it worse.

Because now it is true.

And you know your behaviours are being watched.

But you can't help it when you're **in his** presence.

He's so up close and personal.

And you know his _actions_ mean different things to the both of you.

Its then when you find out about her.

Your older friend's younger sister.

She's far younger.

And you don't think he'll like her for long.

You h o p e, as much.

Everyone thinks it's strange.

It's **mainly** just you though.

You chose to ignore jealous feelings.

You haven't told all your friends yet…

And all the while your friendship blooms.

You find new sides to him.

And like a magnet you find yourself attracted more and more.

You seem to spend so much time together.

And you know you need out, but you cant.

His relationship is progressing, but _you can't let go_.

Its then that you compare yourself with her.

Notice your **similarities.**

Someone thought you were her from behind – it was the red hair that did it.

But you're not her.

You're older.

And as your friends say, better.

At least for him anyway.

And once again the past is dragged up in a whispered conversation.

You ignore the _chills _on your spine as he says you are great friends now.

And pretend he didn't say that you liking him was a bad thing.

Cause in your heart, it's not bad.

He asked her out.

You nearly cried.

All your friends know.

He probally has figured it out.

But he acts the same.

And it's _unfair _to you.

It's like he's giving false hope – but not really.

Some advice says he's **teasing** you on purpose.

But you can only see well in him.

& you can't see him doing that

And that theory relies on his feelings deep down.

And you can't over-analyse.

You've learnt from before.

You don't believe you're meant to be.

It's **no longer** the outward things that appeal.

It's the whole package.

You don't get butterflies.

You get excited at the prospect of conversation.

Of attention.

There's no ending to your story yet.

You hope he'll **move on** from her.

Cause being this close is tearing you up.

You get angry at him for no reason.

You yell and critisce and want to hit him.

_Bewildered_ he stands and takes it.

This makes you feel guilty and empty.

Because he doesn't know.

He can't see what he does to you.

And you care too much to make it awkward again.

So you vent to others.

Knowing one day he'll figure it out.

**You need to move on.**

He's a taken man.

_And you_.

You're completely lost.

Alone in a Hallway.

Head and heart swimming.

When you run into him – briefly your eyes meet and you have to look away.

You'll get lost if you look too long.

You turn to **leave** – but stumble.

He catches your arm and steadies you.

His eyes ask if you're alright – before his lips do.

& its His lips.

You open you're mouth but the words won't come out.

They're dry, an empty shell.

And you know you've made this **dramatic**.

But that's who you are, that's who he is.

That's why he likes you.

_But not enough._

You nod a little and his grip slackens.

You regret that.

You might've gotten a hug out of this.

But that's what you get.

And your _preferred _name for once.

His arms wrap around you entirely and you relax.

You fit perfectly.

And you're the giggling girl with **butterflies** and tingling.

But you feel safe.

Protected.

Happy.

But it's ironic.

Because unknowingly he's done this to you.

And then the _moments_ gone.

A ruffle of your hair.

And a **goodbye**.

You look at your hand and turn to leave.

All hope abandoned.

You start to walk away but are stopped by your senses.

You hear him whisper something and chance a glance back.

He's smiling.

Running a hand through his hair.

'wow' he whispers.

He doesn't think you heard.

But its enough.

You hold that _hand _to your heart.

The hand that had been around his neck.

And that's when you knew.

That there could be a future.

**And so you still hold on.**

Because you like him more than not liking him.

You never give up.

And you always win.

_Even against your own cousin._

* * *

_Weird, I know... But can I have a review? Thankkks _

_I'm a sucker for a nice ending, & this is based on an experience I had but that ends differently/hasn't ended yeet :(_

_ANyway - Review!_

_Xx_


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